Saturday, November 27, 2004

Hello, hypocrisy!

In Newark, a father attempted to discipline his drunken sixteen-year old daughter using the natural and logical consequences approach. He called the cops on her.
Unfortunately for him, when the cops arrived, the daughter ratted the father out, leading the cops to daddy's stash of 4 semi-automatic weapons and 600+ vials of cocaine.


A heartwarming tale about true Christmas Spirit.

Well, actually, this is about the opposite of "Peace on Earth, Goodwill towards your fellow man." It's about gaudy excess. It's about pettiness. It's about spitting in the face of the reason for the season.

It seems that in one of the suburbs of San Jose, California, there has been a dispute about Christmas decorations. For six years, people have come from far and wide to enjoy the Yuletide artistic stylings of Alan and Bonnie Aerts.

Some of the other denizens of this particular cul-de-sac were less than impressed with the grandeur of the Aerts family's Christmas displays, and presented a petition with 90 signatures to their elected officials, asking that the purveyors of such "oppressive" and "Disneyesque" displays obtain a permit.

In response, Mr. Aerts commissioned a 10-foot tall, motorized Grinch statue at a cost of $2500. The Grinch now stands on his lawn, pointing a finger at the neighbours who initiated the complaint, and belting out "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch."

Somehow, I don't think Our Lord and Saviour would be very happy about this. It's not a very nice birthday present for Him.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Gross, gross, gross!!

Remember the part in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the book, not that pitiful excuse for a movie, you infidel) in which greedy, gum-chewing Violet Beauregarde grabs the (hitherto unperfected) Wonka's magic chewing gum? The gum is a substitute for a complete meal of tomato soup, roast beef, and blueberry pie. Violet turns into a big fat blueberry.

That's all I could think of when I read about this new product. Now, Atkins and South Beach dieters can still experience the joy of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner with carb-free, calorie-free beverages purporting to taste like mashed potatoes and gravy, roasted turkey, green bean casserole, cranberry, and fruitcake.

I suspect that the marketing geniuses at Jones Soda didn't actually read Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. If they did, they certainly didn't understand that Roald Dahl's "meal in a stick of gum" is a larger part of a cautionary tale. There's no such thing as a free lunch.

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Talking Turkey

No, this is not a post about GWB.

CNN's Gordon T. Anderson explains why that 49 cent-per-pound frankenfowl turkey is no bargain at all.

Last year, our Thanksgiving Turkey (organic, free range) came from Stonewood Farm in Orwell, Vermont. It was divine! There is definitely a difference.

Gobble gobble!

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Just nuts

I'm so glad that law and order prevails over this great land, to the extent that the Pennsylvania Superior Court can turn their attention to
the plight of Nutkin the gray squirrel.
Senior Judge Joseph Hudock is clearly earning every penny of his salary in churning out eleven pages of opinion on the very important issue of whether or not the Gosselins, of Schuykill County, PA, can continue to cohabitate with an aging rodent.
Now, if said aging rodent was gay .. well, that would be a different story altogether.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Perhaps I should rethink my opposition to gun ownership

This incident brings new meaning to the phrase, "friends don't let friends drive drunk." Unable to persuade his friend not to drive back to Indianapolis after a night of drinking in Bloomington, Indiana, a man shot out two tires on his car.

Mothers Against Drunk Driving informs us that 17,013 people were killed in alcohol-related car accidents in the United States in 2003. That's an average of nearly one person every half-hour.

Where are the weapons of mass destruction? Right there, in that bottle of Jim Bean.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Changes in education in Ontario

Dalton McGuinty has announced that new legislation will be tabled at Queen's Park, mandating that Ontario's students must remain in school until the age of 18. This is all well and good - but I graduated from Grade 13 (yes, I'm that old) when I was 17.
How will this be "workable?" How much money, how many person-hours will be spent chasing down 17 year olds who do not want to attend school? At whose expense? How does this address home-schoolers and non-traditional learners?

Friday, November 05, 2004

Massive internet traffic jam on Canada's Immigration Web Site

Following Tuesday's debacle election, it looks like there were a lot of Americans checking out how to immigrate to Canada.

It would be a lot quicker and easier if the blue states just seceded to Canada. California gets to hook up with Mexico, naturally.

Thank God our son already has his Canadian citizenship card.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

I already did!!!

For those seeking refuge from Tuesday's debacle - a new website for you:

I love the pledge:

Now that George W. Bush has been declared the official winner of the November 2 election and shall become the President of the United States for four more years of idiocy, I the undersigned, a Canadian citizen, pledge to liberate, through the legal and binding act of marriage, a willing citizen of the United States of America, of a gender of my choosing, and with one or all of the following political leanings:

discouraged Democrat,
reformed Republican,
apolitical with limited world-domination tendencies.
In addition, I promise to help my new Yankee spouse to adapt to life in the great white north, keeping them safe from (gratuitous) invasion of privacy, and to provide him/her with a reasonable supply of Timbits

The website is satirical.

My pledge to keep Steve in Timbits is not.

Venus and Jupiter in the wee hours

No, this isn't about a new-age relationship book.

We were up especially early so that we could take Steve to the airport in Syracuse. Mid-tour leave is over, and he's headed back to Camp Stanley, South Korea.

While the reason for the early wake-up was a sad one, there was a bright side. Venus and Jupiter glowed brilliantly in the pre-dawn eastern horizon. It was a spectacular sight.

NOT like mother, like daughter

As much as I loathe and fear her husband, I do respect and admire Laura Bush. She brings grace and class to the position of First Lady.
But Laura, darling, what the heck is up with your daughters? I know how difficult it is to raise children these days. Really, I do. Nevertheless, you've fallen down on the job, allowing them to wear these slutty outfits at your husband's victory speech. Please, rein in your children!!
(Your husband is beyond hope).

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Read this, and weep

Dooce has written the most beautiful monthly letter to her infant daughter. This is one beloved child!