It's a conspiracy, I tell you!

I have a secret.

A rather embarrassing secret.

I developed an intense interest in, of all things, the Miss America 2008 pageant.

I was captivated by one contestant: Miss Utah, Jill Stevens. Or, as she is known in some circles, Sgt. Stevens.

Sgt. Stevens has served in the Utah National Guard for the past six years. She is a combat medic who proved her mettle in a one-year deployment to Afghanistan. She also has a Bachelor's degree in Nursing from Southern Utah University. She has completed twelve marathons, and is a certified fitness instructor. She is also stunningly beautiful, with or without makeup.

She made it into the final 16 as "America's Choice", but was eliminated from the competition after the "fitness" portion of the pageant.

'Scuse me? The marathon runner and certified fitness instructor didn't meet the pageant's "ideal" for fitness?

Miss Utah took the news with grace, class and a touch of spunky charisma. When her name was called, she dropped to the stage floor and hammered out a round of pushups.

HooAH!